bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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