I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
