We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
