There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
