today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
