STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
