he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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