turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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