There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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