He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
