I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
