Don't make out with my wife yet
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
