Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
