Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
