He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
