I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
