yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
