I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
