If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
