And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
