did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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