Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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