I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
