She said her name was "party"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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