dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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