She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
