what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
