i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
