Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
