i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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