Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
