i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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