Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
