Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
