Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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