I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
