He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
