Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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