There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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