it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Need sex. Gaining weight.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
