the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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