smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
