I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
