I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel like a drive thru vagina
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
