i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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