At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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