so that wasnt chicken after all
He uses pillows to masturbate.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
