The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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