oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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