Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
